I just caught myself up on the whole Amy Chua Tiger Mother thing, and I am so angry! Her article in the Wall Street Journal wasn't so bad, but it's so so so frustrating how people are beginning to talk in such extremes and saying that one is right, and not the other.
Read this paragraph from
Time Magazine:
Most surprising of all to Chua's detractors may be the fact that many elements of her approach are supported by research in psychology and cognitive science. Take, for example, her assertion that American parents go too far in insulating their children from discomfort and distress. Chinese parents, by contrast, she writes, "assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently." In the 2008 book A Nation of Wimps, author Hara Estroff Marano, editor-at-large of Psychology Today magazine, marshals evidence that shows Chua is correct. "Research demonstrates that children who are protected from grappling with difficult tasks don't develop what psychologists call 'mastery experiences,' " Marano explains. "Kids who have this well-earned sense of mastery are more optimistic and decisive; they've learned that they're capable of overcoming adversity and achieving goals." Children who have never had to test their abilities, says Marano, grow into "emotionally brittle" young adults who are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
I agree with everything the Psychology Today editor is saying, but to frame it in a way that says "Chua is correct"?? No way.Yes, Amy Chua makes it pretty much impossible for her kids to give up on a task that seems too hard, but are screaming insults and withholding food and bathroom breaks the way to do it? Come on!
There are SO MANY other ways to motivate kids to keep trying at something they don't want to do! Instead of screaming, "You're pathetic!" you can hug your child and say, "I know you can do this. I really believe in you. Imagine how proud you'll be of yourself when you finally get it. And maybe afterwards, we can go get some ice cream! I just think it's really important that you keep trying because you might surprise yourself. So what do you think? Maybe we can try for another half an hour and see where we are then?"
Maybe this is more of an issue with this Time Magazine writer. She's using some very solid research from educational psychology to support elements - elements - of Amy Chua's parenting, but it's absolutely ridiculous to say that maybe Amy Chua has it right.
Here's more infuriating use of research:
Another parenting practice with which Chua takes issue is Americans' habit, as she puts it, of "slathering praise on their kids for the lowest of tasks — drawing a squiggle or waving a stick." Westerners often laud their children as "talented" or "gifted," she says, while Asian parents highlight the importance of hard work. And in fact, research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform, even the way they feel about themselves.
Where to even begin?? I've actually read this Dweck article and studied student motivation in grad school, and the researcher is in no way addressing parents or teachers "slathering praise on their kids for the lowest of tasks." Ridiculous! The article is only making a distinction in the type of praise that children receive. Positive reinforcement and praise should be based on a child's effort, not his intelligence. Many parents say to their kids, "You're so smart!" when what's most beneficial to a kid's future success and choice of more difficult tasks is if they say, "You worked really hard at that!" Simple: focus on effort, not intelligence. Come on!
I can't stand this. Sure, there are parts of Amy Chua's parenting that are good, but she compares herself over and over again to gushy, pampering "Western" parents. Did you know that there are "Western" parents who have found a middle ground? Oh, what a novel idea!
"Which style of parenting is best for children?
- Permissive Western parenting
- Demanding Eastern parenting"
As if there really are only two choices. Come on!! Maybe whoever put this poll here was making fun of the whole thing, but who knows.
So I don't care too much about what Amy Chua said, but this Time article really pissed me off.
