"slacker!"

You know how everyone's done and said stupid things in the past? I've been plenty stupid, and I think I have a normal amount of regret about them. But I have this one memory that pops into my head every couple weeks or so, and it pains me like a knife twisting in my chest. The worst part is that I can't do anything to undo it, or apologize for it or explain it.

For some reason I've been thinking about it more these days, so maybe if I can't apologize directly, ...this will help? I don't know. Let's try and see.

This was maybe a year or two after graduating from college and I was at home in Maryland. I went with some not-so-close friends to Silver Diner to eat. One of the servers came up to me and asked if I played the flute.

"Uhhh...yeah," I said. That's a weird thing for some stranger to know about me.

But the server reminded me that he was my classmate in middle school, and we had a bunch of classes together, including band where he played the trumpet and I played the flute.

"Of course!" I said. "Jason! I remember you!"

We were all smiles and knee-slapping, until...I said it:

"You were such a slacker!"

The smile on his face turned into a grimace and he said, "Aaaalright. It was good to see you." And he walked away.

Shudder shudder shudder shudder. Am I really posting about this?? :(

If I could go back and tell him what I actually meant to say, I would've said something like, "Ohh, you gave our teachers such a hard time! Howcome we didn't see you at Springbrook?" ...or anything not cruel!!!

Yeah, he got in trouble a lot, but he was being so nice! We almost never spoke in middle school, but he remembered my face ten years later and remembered the instrument I played! And how did I repay his kindness? GAH, I don't need to say it again, do I?

I hope it's not as bad as it seems to me. But I think it really is that bad. So Jason Moore, if you're out there somewhere, please forgive me! I really didn't mean what I said, and I'm so sorry I said it!