the post-it, explained

Yesterday I posted a picture of a little reminder I have stuck to my laptop. Here's the story behind it...

Someone wrote a piece of advice in our wedding guest book: that in our marriage, I will be right 99% of the time. It turns out they were 100% wrong! Most of the conflicts that have come up in our marriage are because of the way I've held on to my singleness without knowing it.

I'm so used to trying to be as productive as possible, replying to invitations and emails the second I get them, committing to dinners and get-togethers without having to consult anyone. Even while we were dating and engaged, doing these things didn't cause any problems because Cyrus and I were long-distance.

But now that we're married, I keep forgetting to consult Cyrus (very different from asking for permission). I thought I'd learned my lesson when we had a chat about this after I spent money on some sweaters. Then I learned it again after I said yes to having dinner with some friends on our behalf. Then I learned it yet again after I assumed that we'd meet up with these friends while we had the chance.

So I said "enough!" I realized that this wasn't an easy thing to learn and that I constantly had to remind myself. That's when the Post-It happened.

The issue of consulting each other about decisions has come up in subtle ways. Some magic phrases that have helped me are:

- "What do you think about...?"
- "How do you feel about...?"
- "Feel free to..."
- "Let me know if..."

A lot of these phrases are really useful when I'm trying to offer help, too. Phew, offering help. I could write an essay about that! 

Anyway, I've been learning a lot from Cyrus about how to communicate better. Thank goodness one of us is good at it!