I read a great piece of advice in a Real Simple article last week: when you're fighting with your significant other, hold hands.
This accomplishes two things:
1. It encourages you to be gentler with your words.
It might be awkward at first, but it's hard to have a harsh tone with someone when you're being physically affectionate at the same time. And without that harsh tone, it's difficult for a disagreement or misunderstanding to escalate into something beyond what the actual issue is, which is what happens so much of the time!
2. It reminds both of you that you still love and care about each other even if you're not in agreement.
If your attitude is "Why is my wife trying to hurt me?" or "I'm right and my husband is wrong," then I can't imagine that fight being a healthy one. But holding hands reminds you that you love each other and that you're on the same team. And instead of thinking "Why is she trying to hurt me?" you might think instead, "Oh yeah. She loves me! So when she hurt me, she didn't really mean it. Let's figure out what happened." (Wow, that sounded cornier than I thought it would. But you get my meaning.)
Any thoughts? Any other tips you've found that make "fighting" healthier?
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hehe-- I'm glad you decided to read the article! that was another one I was going to mention as a good read last night :) I definitely think it's a great idea, but I know that in the midst of a fight, I will refuse to do anything that might hint at reconciling like hand-holding. haha. I just know myself! but what a fantastic idea. if I were less stubborn and hot-headed I would definitely try it out.
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